Nothing Compares to you
by Cassiopiea
Summary: After Snape begins to act on a promise he made to Lily to keep Harry safe and happy, he and Harry become closer and closer as the years go by. But what will happen when Snape tells Harry a secret that will effect Harry's life-forever? HP/SS //SLASH//
1. 1 Who wants to live forever

Nothing compares to you  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, understand yes? Good now that we're done with all the technicalities we can begin our tale, it's starts on a rainy night in the middle of the forest. Okay I lie; it starts in a living room.  
  
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.  
  
Chapter 1----Who wants to live forever  
  
Voldemort was not after the Potter's as people had originally thought. No he was after their son, Harry. James was on what they were calling the 'night shift', Snape didn't know where and he found that he didn't care any more. When he was young he was full of some stupid idealistic idea that he should know Potters every movement, but now.he didn't give a dam. It was so he knew if he was with Lily or not. But now it didn't really matter. They were married, with a child. A sleeping child who if died would bring the end of both the wizarding and muggle world alike. Or so Voldemort seemed to think, or the evil old git wouldn't want to kill him. But as James had gone, this left Lily all alone, with this knowledge about her son's fate. "Do you want me to stay?"  
  
"No, it's alright. You have better things to do than keep a watch over me."  
  
"They can wait." //as unexistant as they are// Snape said to himself as an after thought.  
  
Lily merely shook her head. Then there was silence. A long silence that seemed to drag on for a millennia. And then; "There has to be a way." She blurted out. " A way to save him. From anything. Even the Killing curse".  
  
"There isn't." Snape told her. Every one knew that, all you could ever hope for when you were dealing with someone like that is that you escape before they do that.  
  
"No, there has to be," she persisted. "Who invented something that was completely and utterly unblockable?"  
  
"An idiot. Lily, I'm sorry but there isn't any thing I or any one else can do against him." there was no need to mention the 'him' in question. "unless."  
  
"Unless what?"  
  
"Ancient magic. Very ancient magic. Something every body has forgotten about. Even Voldemort. But these wizards back then, they were never very clear in these things. All in Latin."  
  
"You speak Latin." Lily reminded him, her bright green eyes lighting up. "Good Latin, you told me." Then she smiled. "I knew you would." That gained him a peck on the cheek, even though he had never agreed to do any thing.  
  
  
  
"I don't believe I'm doing this." Snape mumbled to himself. He was at the restricted section of the library at Hogwarts. He had asked Dumbledore for permission even though as he was no longer a student he didn't really need it, but he wasn't a teacher either, so Snape found it proper to do so. His index finger was gathering dust as he was running it alone the spines of all of the books. Books for glamour spells, even though they were harmless were prohibited from Hogwarts, it was highly frowned upon trying to make your self look like some one they weren't. But that wasn't what he was looking for. It took him a long time to find the book; old worn black leather bound book with gold lettering proclaiming- in Latin- protection. He lifted it off they shelf and found himself a table at the back of the room.  
  
There was a lock on the book though the simple first year 'Alohomora' spell would not work. So Snape had to do a far more complex charm that Lily had taught him a couple of years before hand. Then it flew open and opened at the page that Snape wanted to read. So he read, in Latin what it said.  
  
A spell that will protect from all of evils is love. Love will conquer all and death will protect.  
  
And that was it. It didn't take long for Snape to understand. He thought quite logically. No one knew, it rarely was needed in the wizarding world, but it was a handy gift to have especially when doing this. But. now, he wished he wasn't. Wished that he could just tell Lily that he couldn't find any thing that made sense. But he couldn't lie. He did understand this. But he wished he couldn't. There was a way that Harry could survive, even the killing curse. But.Lily would have to die.  
  
So it was with a heavy heart that Snape knocked on the door and told her what he had found. To his surprise she was delighted. "This is brilliant. You understand don't you?"  
  
"No!" he said. "I don't. You have to die. Voldemort doesn't want you. He wants Harry and Potter if he can get his hands on him. You're safe from him."  
  
"I don't care about me. My life is over."  
  
"You're twenty-one years old!"  
  
"So, I love my son, he's the best thing I've ever done. He matters more than me." Snape soon found her arms around him. "I want you to keep an eye open for him. make sure he's happy."  
  
"Lily, I. can't, I wouldn't know how."  
  
"Please Severus, promise me that you will."  
  
"I've never made a promise to any one, about any thing, I can't keep them.  
  
"Please." Those eyes again, you had to obey what they were asking.  
  
"Ok, I will."  
  
"Thank you Severus, you're a great friend."  
  
"I think that's a first."  
  
"I named Harry after you.well sort of."  
  
"I //know// that's a first. What?"  
  
"Yup, Henry, after my father, then James, then Severus."  
  
It took a while for Snape to process this information. Lily, name her son after.him? "Why?"  
  
"I thought you'd be pleased. We're just going to call him Harry, so much easier. Well are you?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. I've never had some one name a kid after me before. But Lily think about it. You'll be throwing your life away."  
  
Lily bowed her head, and her green eyes were suddenly full of tears. "Are you saying." She croaked. "That I should just let my son die?" Snape said nothing. "I couldn't live with myself. Not when I knew there was something I could have done."  
  
Snape nodded. "I'll keep looking."  
  
But of course there was nothing. Not one thing. Only that. That was why she was dead. Dead for no reason than to save her son. A boy of only one year old. But now fifteen. A boy that I was looking at. After Harry had come out of the maze at the end of last year, everything that I had tried so hard to build tumbled down. The walls I had built around myself were unpregnable. I disallowed my self to feel again so I never had to be in the pain that I was in when Lily died ever again. But.when I saw the Potter boy so scared and vulnerable without any warning they fell. I had cried myself to sleep that night and many after. So.now, who am I? I'm Professor Severus Snape- the dreaded potions master. My morbid thoughts were interrupted when I saw the register. Something that I had never seen before got my attention. "Potter. Why are you down as Harry on the register?"  
  
Every one in the class- mainly Gryffindors burst out laughing. "I don't know sir." Potter replied quite sincerely, "why do you ask?"  
  
"Maybe because it's his name!" Finnigen replied laughing still.  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Indeed." I leant back in my seat. "Potter, state, your full name"  
  
"Henry James." he stopped not to my surprise. "Evil you are." I gave him a smile that didn't seem to fit with my personality any more.  
  
"You're mother didn't think so it seems."  
  
I hope this works, if not I'm going to kill someone, sorry about the whole hard to read thing, I truly don't know why is does it.  
  
TBC 


	2. All Along the Watchtower

Disclaimer: the same old same old. I don't own any of the characters in this fic, so don'' sue me. i'' poor and it'll only waste ur money.  
  
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.  
  
And also, I had quite a view reviews about the breaking up of paragraphs, I don't blame u I hate it when ppl don't do that either. But I did. Something on ff.net screwed and, I've double spaced the paragraphs now, so I hope it'll be easier to read.  
  
Also in case u didn't read when I said, I happen to be British and I don't mean to be insulting to a certain person who will remain anonymous (mainly because I can't remember their name) But us Brits do use slang words like yup and kid too. We're not all stereotypical upper class snobs like the movies seem to think. Again, I don't mean to insult any one and thanks for all ur reviews and practical criticisms! Rain (  
  
Chapter 2--- All along the watchtower  
  
There he sat in front of me, waiting to know his punishment. Two days had passed since I tried to embarrass him. And now he sat waiting. I leant forward my chest leaning on my clasped hands, sneering at him.  
  
"Would you be so kind to explain what happened?"  
  
"It wasn't my fault Professor, it was Malfoy."  
  
I swallowed. "I wouldn't go around blaming others for your flaws.Mr Potter."  
  
"I don't go down that far.sir."  
  
The sneer that I wore fell drastically some how. "Explain."  
  
"Well," he tried to say. "Malfoy bumped into me, he spilt his potion pretending that it was mine. He framed me sir!" he paused. "I don't know what the big deal is any way."  
  
I leant back and I heard the wooden chair creak under the strain. "The 'big deal' is Mr Potter is that three of my students are hospitalised, and dislike them as I may it is still my job to follow it up."  
  
".And of course I'm the culprit, it's always the same. Blame Harry, he was there he must have done it."  
  
"That is not true and you know it." I whispered to him my anger level rising. "Ever since you have come to Hogwarts great leniency has been shown, you have got away with expulsion. It was the same with your father, he was a pigheaded know it all just like yourself. "  
  
Harry said nothing to that to my surprise "Did I mention Hogwarts at all? And how can you say all those things about me, you don't even know me!" He stood up, his voice, to my amazement, still calm. His great green eyes shining bright, just like his mothers. In the full four years that I had known the boy he'd grown both mentally and physically.  
  
The rat nest that was his hair, and become tamer and he'd scrapped the glasses and had got a muggle invention, contact lenses. Harry continued ranting at me. ".Your so judge mental!" and with that he stormed out of the classroom.  
  
Instead of chasing him, I did the thing that came naturally to me. I opened up my top right-hand draw and pulled out a white detention slip and filled it out.  
  
The next day in my fifth year potions class as soon as Potter came in I gave him his detention slip. Rolling his eyes the boy took his seat at the back of the class. It was an uneventful class, except that Longbottom thought that it was high time that he melted another cauldron. With a wave of my wand the orange potion had completely cleaned up. But Longbottom wasn't.  
  
He had green/brown tentacles coming out of his skin as the potion had covered him. "Longbottom!" I yelled, he quivered. "Idiot boy! How hard can it be to follow the book! Take the mixture to a boil //then// add the monkshood!" I went right up to the boy. "For that you be joining Potter in detention tomorrow night."  
  
"Stop it!" A voice yelled. I lifted my head up to see who it was. Potter was on his feet. "Why do you do this! It can't be you really, you can't be this cold really!"  
  
"How dare you." I whispered walking slowly up to his bench.  
  
"Why are you like this. Are you now really like this, or do you do this because the woman you love is dead."  
  
Silence. I swallowed. "Get back to work."  
  
"No, what did Neville do wrong? It's not his fault that she's dead, so stop blaming every body."  
  
"I only blame three people Potter for her death they are, the man who killed her, my self.and you."  
  
Again to my surprise Potter remained silent. But Weasley his best friend didn't. "How can you blame Harry, just because some dead girlfriend of yours is dead. What did Harry do."  
  
"Shut up Ron." Harry said to him. "Just shut up."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He's right that's why."  
  
And the rest was silent.  
  
And that made three. Potter, Longbottom, and now Weasley. "I don't know why I'm in here. All I did was stick up for you Harry." Potter wasn't saying any thing. "Look sir, I'm real sorry for your girlfriend, loosing a loved one must be horrid bad. But it wasn't Harry's fault, or yours for that matter."  
  
I raised my head and looked at Potter, who looked awfully depressed. "Potter seems to agree with me, don't you Potter?"  
  
Potter said nothing. "Don't listen to him Harry," Ron was telling him, "He's just trying to make you feel bad. It's not your fault."  
  
"But it is."  
  
Ron sighed, "See what you did, now he believes all this crap that you told him sir."  
  
"It wasn't him, I knew it all along Ron. Just.leave it."  
  
If I was mistaken, which I doubted I was, (I wasn't that type of person to admit self-defeat.) there were tears in Potters eyes.  
  
"Look Harry, I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be,"  
  
"I." I slumped down. Why had I said what I said? Anger probably. But still it was no excuse. Lily would have killed me, if she were still alive. "Weasley" I said, "Take yourself ten points."  
  
"Ok sir."  
  
"And you can go." Stunned, Weasley got up and went.  
  
"Can I go?" Longbottom asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh ok," and he got on with what he had be assigned to do. Harry on the other hand wasn't. He was running his quill on a ridge that somebody had vandalised on the bench he was at.  
  
"Potter."  
  
He gave me a sharp glare just like his mother used to give. A glare that I had copied. I shook my head and he carried on what he was doing.  
  
When their hour detention was up they were free to go. "Potter, a word." He sighed and stayed behind but he didn't sit.  
  
"I'll wait outside for you Harry." Longbottom said. Harry nodded and turned to me.  
  
"What do you want?" he asked.  
  
"You do know what your middle name is don't you."  
  
"Yes!" Harry gritted "Unfortunately"  
  
I smiled. "I wasn't too chuffed myself." Harry's head shot up.  
  
"Oh thanks." He said sarcastically. "That's just what I wanted to hear. You can't be as pissed as I was when //I// found out. Actually I didn't, I merely guessed. So tell me, am I?"  
  
"Yes." I said to him. "Henry James Severus Potter. Much to my dislike." 


	3. Wherever you will go

Disclaimer: the same old same old. I don't own any of the characters in this fic, so don't sue me. I'm poor and it'll only waste ur money.  
  
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.  
  
Chapter 3----Wherever you will go.  
  
But I wasn't angry with Harry being named after me; I just wanted to pretend that I was. I had to keep up appearances when it came to that boy. If I let it slipped that I had once ounce of feeling for that boy, every thing would change. Constantly I told myself that I was still in love with Lily, I refused to think any way different.  
  
Because as the weeks months past I began to get more close to the boy in ways that I didn't know possible when I saw him when he was eleven again. Perhaps it was because of the fight with Voldemort, he too, (and quite rightly) wanted to be posted with any new news that was coming in via me.  
  
It was quite common for this to happen. Callings happened much more regularly then they used to be, even when he was at the height of his powers. I thought that he feared that his Death Eaters would leave him, and even though the snake refused to admit it Voldemort was vulnerable and needed his Death Eaters. And obviously he was doing this by keeping in touch with them much more often.  
  
When I was called Harry would ask me in his free time, when I was back, if I was ok, and to make sure that I wasn't dead. Like now. He came running into my office.  
  
"You're back." He said, green eyes shinning wonderfully, just like his mothers used to.  
  
"Yes Potter I'm back."  
  
"Did he do any thing to you?"  
  
"No, not this time. I've spoken to Dumbledore. Voldemort has plans for you." Harry gave a chuckle to my surprise.  
  
"Doesn't he always?"  
  
"Yes I suppose he does. Well this time he has invented a slow killing curse that doesn't need to be cursed on a person directly. It's difficult to do and he'd have to get through the wards that are surrounding the castle. And you." Harry's eyes were wide with fear.  
  
"Slow?" he repeated slowly and carefully.  
  
I nodded. "I don't think there's any thing to worry about just yet." But Harry wasn't listening, he had taken a seat on the floor his back sliding down the cold stone wall.  
  
"Slow?" he asked again. "I don't want to die slowly. Quick and over with. Like the normal curse."  
  
To my own surprise and daring I crouched down next to him. "Listen, Dumbledore has boosted the wards. Voldemort won't be able to hurt you, ok? Relax." But Harry wasn't relaxing. "Nothing is going to happen to you, we won't let it." That gave Harry, a small smile, and I carried on. "Why don't you go and get an early night. You'll feel better in the morning."  
  
Harry eyes merely came up slowly and looked in the centre of mine. It looked as though he was looking right through me and it scared me. "What?" I asked.  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
My own eyes narrowed and I gave a small smile and a chuckle. "Excuse me?"  
  
Harry exhaled a breath and turned his head to the side smiling disbelieving. "Well, you hate me, then at the beginning of the year, you bring this whole 'I'm named after you' crap in, and now you're being nice."  
  
That left me in an uncomfortable situation. If I told him the truth Harry would suspect that something might have gone on between his mother and i. Yet if I told him a lie and he found the truth out, his trust to me, (no matter how small it was) would be broken. And I needed that trust. I //needed// to fulfil Lily's last wish to me. One that I had neglected for the past fourteen years before this.  
  
"I er." I shook my head and said something that was neither the truth nor a lie. "Things change." Things //had// changed. Just not in the way Harry would think. What had changed was that I had these confronting emotions that I couldn't describe towards to boy. But Harry would just think that I'd got 'nicer.' Which I suppose also was true. But not toward the other pupils, just Harry. As long as Harry was happy, especially during these dark times, that was all that mattered. That Lily's request was carried out.  
  
Harry looked unconvinced at my reason, so I merely gave him a crooked smile apologetically and helped him get back up.  
  
"You're right." He sniffed wiping his nose. "I'd better get an early night." He left the room, but not with out saying. "Good night."  
  
  
  
"I notice that you are becoming closer to Harry, Severus." Dumbledore inquired. Walking along side him was rather like walking by a king, but no where near as formal.  
  
"During these times, we must all stick together Albus, you say so yourself." I told him.  
  
"Yes, yes. You are right. I thought that it must have been that promise that you made to Lily just before she died though."  
  
I gave him a sharp startled look. "How did you."  
  
"She told me. She had a lot in trust in you Severus, she was a wonderful woman."  
  
"Yes. She was." I said, then added softly mainly to my self than Albus. "I miss her."  
  
"I know that Severus. We all do. But think about it this way. Harry never knew her. Why don't you tell him about her? I'm sure he'd be very thankful for it."  
  
He walked on a head, and I merely nodded considering his option.  
  
  
  
"What do you want Professor?" Harry asked when I had asked him to stay behind again.  
  
"Sit." I instructed him. And he did so. "Do you remember your mother Harry?"  
  
It took a while for him to answer. He seemed in a state of shock of me having asked such a personal question. He looked deep into my eyes and I returned the stare seeing my reflection in his eyes. Now that he had got rid of his glasses I could see his eyes much more clearly and see how much they were like Lily's. And then I realised that not all of Lily was dead. She was right in front of me in Harry.  
  
"A bit." He said finally. "Not much."  
  
"What do you remember?"  
  
It took even longer for him to answer this time. Almost five minutes passed in silence while Harry thought whether to answer and if so what to say. A few times I saw that his mouth opened and he was about to speak. But then he wouldn't. There was pain in those eyes.  
  
"You don't have to." maybe it was me speaking that made me answer maybe he was just ready to say what he was going to say. But all I know was that's when he did answer.  
  
"Her dying." He said, his eyes wet.  
  
I had nothing to say to that, but I did feel my mouth part, and then I sighed in compassion. "I didn't know I'm sorry."  
  
Slowly Harry shook his head. "I killed her. I killed them both." I was stunned for words and I noticed that Harry was crying. I don't think that I'd ever seen him cry before, so I got up from my seat and walked around my desk and knelt beside him, and put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"How can you think so?"  
  
"You said that you blamed me."  
  
I swallowed. "I didn't mean it.I.I'm sorry Harry."  
  
"It's me who should be sorry. I killed her. You loved her, and I killed her. It's my fault that's she's dead. 'Harry Potter-The Boy who lived, by killing his mother.'"  
  
"You didn't kill your mother Harry, and you know it. Voldemort killed her. Nobody else blames you, why should you?"  
  
Harry sniffed and looked into my eyes again. "Nobody knows what she said except me." He wiped his nose. "All I hear is her pleads and begging to let me go. She begged Voldemort to kill her and let me live. And he did. Voldemort killed her; she gave herself for me! I killed my mother, I killed my mother." And he just kept repeating it and repeating it crying all the while. 


	4. Don't Look Back in Anger

Disclaimer: the same old same old. I don't own any of the characters in this fic, so don't sue me. I'm poor and it'll only waste ur money.  
  
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.  
  
Chapter 4------ Don't Look Back In Anger  
  
Calming Harry down was one of the most difficult things that I had done in a long while. He seemed thoroughly convinced that he was the cause of his mothers' death. It was a long time later that Harry was in a fit enough state to be bale to go back to Gryffindor tower.  
  
And here he was again apologising for the way he had acted and thanking me for the help.  
  
"Really Potter, there's no need to apologise." I told him. "I just want you to know Harry, that your mother loved you dearly. I //know// that."  
  
"You must have been very dear to her."  
  
I gave a small chuckle. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"Apart from that I'm named after you.nothing much. The way you speak of her. And the rarity in which you actually do. I know you loved her. And I can see in your eyes that she asked you to do something."  
  
I nodded, and dipped my nose into a book. "She wanted me to make sure you were ok."  
  
Harry shook his head. "No, there's more." He said. Walking up to me he lifted the book from my hands. "Tell me."  
  
"There's nothing to tell." I tried to lie, but there was something in his eyes. Something that almost made me melt into his arms and cry. But I held myself together and merely said. "It was I who found the way to keep you alive."  
  
I heard him gasp, and I looked up. If he was expecting something, it wasn't that. "She knew?"  
  
Slowly I nodded. "She asked me to find it. I had to look in the restricted section to find it and when I did it was in Latin. Luckily I was always good at languages." I looked Harry in the eye again and he looked distraught. So I carried on. "I told her what I found and that the only way to keep you alive once the curse had been struck was that if she had died for you. To my amazement she was pleased. She told me that her life was over, she only wanted the best for you.  
  
"Her life was only beginning. I tried looking for another way. I looked every where. But I couldn't find it. I looked for what seemed months.I never found it. For years all I thought was that I'd sent your mother to her death."  
  
I looked at Harry again. He didn't seem as shocked as before. In fact he was a lot nearer me. He wrapped his arms around me, as though he was desperately in need of a hug. I tried to pull him off but my muscles just wouldn't work. I wanted him there. I needed him there.  
  
But then he peeled himself off and nodded his thanks. "It wasn't your fault sir." He said. "I don't blame you, and I think I'm the best judge of it."  
  
I nodded and looked at him. "Best to keep with the happy memories." I said chuckling and wiping my eyes.  
  
He smiled ever so slightly. "Which one of the three?"  
  
That made my face fall.  
  
"Excuse me?" I asked blinking several times.  
  
"I said which one of the three." He gave me a small smile. "I don't have that many happy thoughts. I guess."  
  
"But you did the patronus charm perfectly at that Quidditch Match in your third year. You have to think of something happy."  
  
"Me leaving my Uncles house." He bent down to pick up his school bag, which was by his ankles. "I've got to go." He started to walk towards the door.  
  
"Wait!" I called. I leaned a step forward and grasped his shoulder to stop him doing something, and I felt his cold skin underneath his robes and him shiver. "I'll talk to the Headmaster."  
  
He nodded quietly and then when he wanted to go again he gave my hand a quizzical look then my eyes. "Oh," I said quickly before withdrawing my hand.  
  
"Bye then sir."  
  
"Bye.Harry."  
  
  
  
"Come in." I heard Albus call, so slowly I opened the door and walked in. "Ah, Severus, and how may you be?"  
  
"I'm fine, I was wondering about a certain Potter."  
  
Albus leaned forward. "And what's wrong with young Harry?"  
  
I twiddled my thumbs out of a sudden bout of nerves that had struck me. "I was just talking to him. And.he told me that he hadn't had a happy life."  
  
"What do you expect?"  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Really Severus, how do you think the poor boy must feel? His parents murdered, Voldemort after him wherever he goes. No to mention last years press coverage. The boy has a lot to handle for his age. Something that all of us can merely imagine."  
  
The headmaster leaned further forward and gave me a kind smile. "I know Severus, that you see him as James and Lily's son, as do a few of do Remus and Sirius for example. But many don't, they see him as some saviour of the world. He's famous, it's a burden that he should never have had to bare."  
  
I bowed down my head. "I'm sorry." I whispered mainly to myself.  
  
"For what Severus?"  
  
I found that I had nothing to answer to that.  
  
"You seemed to have grown found of the boy. You know, as you've probably realised. The boy is an awful lot like Lily. Yes he does have that rebellious streak in hi that could only be around in James Potters son."  
  
"Thank you Albus." I told him, just to shut him up about James Potter. I didn't want to relate Harry to him only as much I needed to. Because, Albus was right, he was so much more like his mother. In fact. I was surprised that he was like James Potter at all.  
  
The only thing was. I loved his mother. I didn't even want to think of what could happened if that love passed on.  
  
A/N: I apologise for the shortness but I wanted to time travel for the next chapter. 


	5. Every Step You Take

Disclaimer: the same old same old. I don't own any of the characters in this fic, so don't sue me. I'm poor and it'll only waste ur money.  
  
A/N I know a certain person who will be very upset at me posting this. But.they can go and stuff them selves for all I care. Bye Bye now, person who flamed. Go to the stuffing place. For all you nice people who reviewed. Enjoy and have a nice day! :)  
  
Ps. This is slash, HP/SS  
  
Chapter 5---- Every step you take  
  
Time passed. A lot of time. It was the summer holidays and I had to check up on Harry. It was a routine check, but this would be the first one. I was looking forward to seeing Harry again, but then again I wasn't. I don't know what it was but it was something. There was some electricity going on inside of me when I saw his wonderful green eyes. Something I half feared.  
  
But then again, I welcomed  
  
It took me a long time before I managed to knock on the door and when I did it took some time for somebody to answer it. The door finally opened and there was a woman there and when she saw me she gave a strangled scream and shut the door in my face.  
  
"Well that's polite," I muttered. Not getting down heartened I knocked on the door again. Voices and time passed. Too much time. But open the door did. This time a man, a big man at that and he was holding what looked awfully like a shot gun.  
  
"Get away from me you freak. Stay away from my family!"  
  
I swallowed. "I'm merely here to see your nephew."  
  
"Nephew?" he answered a second too late. "I don't have a nephew, now you stay away."  
  
"Hmm, no nephew yes. Than that's why your holding an illegal weapon to a complete stranger. Just let me check on Harry, and I'll be on my way. No harm, no foul."  
  
Reluctantly the man let down the gun and let me in. So there I stood, in the corridor of a muggle house. "So," I asked. "Where is he?"  
  
The man gave a shrug. "Surely Mr Dursley, you know where you nephew's room is."  
  
"Up the stairs second on the right."  
  
I nodded to him and padded up the stairs and followed his instructions. I knocked lightly on a wooden door, and turned the handle. It was locked, so I took out my wand and muttered "Alhomora."  
  
The lock sprang open and I walked in. It was pitch black not wanting to startle Potter, as he might be sleeping still at it was only nine o'clock and the holidays, I lit my wand. There was a sleeping body in the bed so I walked over to it.  
  
And there he was sleeping peacefully not a care in the world. "Potter, wake up." I gave his shoulder a little nudge. It was bony. Terribly bony. Not really thinking twice about it. I shook harder. He groaned but did not wake. Sighing I got up and went on the turn on the light. I walked back.  
  
And almost fell over.  
  
He was stirring, as I had wanted him too. But he had a black eye and a badly cut lip. "Harry?" I asked softly. Another groaned and he rolled over slightly. "Harry, are you ok?"  
  
Slowly, very slowly his eyes opened, it took a while for him to focus on me. "Professor?" he asked, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'll tell you later. Come one get up."  
  
I helped him sit up, and he looked around the room. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to check up on you." I went over to his chest of drawers and pulled out a few items of clothing. "Who did this to you?" I asked pointing to his eye.  
  
"My Uncle."  
  
"Your Uncle?" I started pulling more clothes out and I opened his trunk and started putting them in. "Why?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "I had a nightmare and I started screaming, and woke him up." I stopped. Then I went to get more clothes.  
  
"He beat you because you had a nightmare?"  
  
Harry timidly nodded, and rubbed his sore eye.  
  
"Don't touch it." I instructed him. I walked over and took a potion out of my robes and a tissue. I dabbed the potion onto the tissue and put it to his eye. He reacted slightly to the sting and I applied the potion to the swelling. "This should help keep it down a bit, stop it from swelling."  
  
He just stared at me for a long while, even when I'd thrown the used tissue in the bin. He just kept starring, with nothing to say. I coughed and broke the silence. "Get dressed and packed Potter. We're going."  
  
Getting out of bed he asked. "Going? Going where?"  
  
"Somewhere safe."  
  
  
  
When he was packed I shrunk his case so that it could fit easily into my pocket as well with the owl. Harry seem a bit startled at me putting his friend into my pocket but after I assured him that she'd be fine and it was only going to be for a few minutes he seemed to be ok about it.  
  
All there was, was the Durselys to deal with. Walking into the lounge I told them "I'm taking the boy away. He won't be back for a very long time.if ever."  
  
"Fine take him." Dursley said, arching back from my wand. I lowered it slightly and took out a shiny bit of gold.  
  
"What's that?" Harry asked.  
  
"It's a Portkey." I answered.  
  
"A Portkey?" he asked. "Do we have to go by that. Can't we walk?"  
  
"Of course we do. Don't be stupid." I grabbed his arm and activated the Portkey.  
  
With a sharp tug at my navel we were there. But I had a predicament.  
  
Harry was crying.  
  
  
  
"Harry?" I asked. "Harry, are you ok?" He was kneeling on the floor, his hand steadying himself, tears dropping down onto the marble floor. He shook his head spraying tears around and I crouched down next to him. I looked at his fingers and it looked as though he was feeling the ground.  
  
"Ssh, Harry what's wrong?"  
  
He shook his head again, gasping for air, as new tears fell. "I don't want to see him."  
  
"See who?" I asked confused. "I don't understand Harry."  
  
Harry merely shook his head again and took another gasp of air. "I'm sorry." I shook my head and he wrapped his arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder.  
  
I lifted him up, (he was so light, it wasn't strenuous) and carried him up the stairs and into my guestroom. This was my house. I was going to let Harry Potter, live with me. Shaking my head I put him on the bed and sat down next to him.  
  
Slowly he lifted his head back up and looked around. "Where am I?" he asked.  
  
"My house."  
  
He nodded, but I realised that he had not yet removed his hands, which were around neck still. Then again, mine were still on the lower part of his back. But I got quite a shock when he moved into a more comfortable position and they were still there.  
  
"Harry." but it was a hanging clause, I had nothing else to say and did not expect an answer from him. But what he did shocked me even more. He raised his head so it was level with mine. I saw a very bemused expression in his eyes, that was, when they were still open as he decided to close them and lean closer to me.  
  
I saw darkness and realised that I had automatically done the same. Then I felt his lips touch mine.  
  
It was the briefest of touches as Harry jerked back, just after it could have been called a kiss, in realisation of what he was actually doing and looked shocked at himself and his actions. But it was enough. It told me what I had been denying for almost a year now.  
  
I was in love with Harry Potter.  
  
He jumped up from the bed so quickly that it seemed that he had lost the ability to think as he rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. "I.I.I'm sorry.I'm tired and confused.and."  
  
"It's ok." I said getting up and moving a step away from him.  
  
"No, it's not.I.I'm so confused." He gave up in arguing and fell back down on the bed.  
  
"You get some sleep." I said to him, getting his belongings out of my pockets and returning them to normal size. "There'll be a house elf who'll come to take care of you."  
  
I opened the door, walked through it, then shut it behind me, making my way to a fireplace so that I could contact Dumbledore. 


	6. Like a Hurricane

Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise  
  
Chapter 6---Like a hurricane  
  
"So he's at Snape Manor at the moment." I nodded dumbly. "Well, "Dumbledore pondered. "It probably is the best place for him."  
  
I jerked my head up with shock. No surely not. "Excuse me sir?"  
  
"Well look at this way Severus." He raised his right hand and faced his palm upwards. "Voldemort, is surely after Harry, and he will be looking for his whereabouts."  
  
"Yes.precisely."  
  
Dumbledore silenced him by doing what he did with his right hand with his left. "Voldemort, will be looking for close friends family, school, even teachers."  
  
"This is where I see a crack in your logic Albus."  
  
"Hear me out Severus. Voldemort sees you as most pupils do. The cruel heartless potions master." I thought of my earlier thoughts and had the temptation to prove Dumbledore wrong but he was continuing. ".However, he also sees you as a faithful Deatheater. Only a fool would place The Boy Who Lived right in the hands of a Deatheater."  
  
"Which you are doing."  
  
"You're my spy Severus, and I trust that you won't do Harry any harm. I know that you have closeness to him. One that I do not understand. I know that you won't break your promise to Lily."  
  
When I got back I asked an elf to check on Harry for me, the report was that he was still asleep, so I decided not to bother him. It felt strange knowing that there was another person in the house. I sat in a chair in the lounge by the fireplace. It was oddly comforting sitting here reading, no stress imposed upon me. I could sit there for hours relaxing. And tonight was no change.  
  
In fact I didn't notice that any time had passed at all until I heard a voice. "Hi sir." Slightly startled I looked up to Harry and saw him standing in the door way with his pyjamas and dressing gown on. I merely smiled at him. "Are you alright sir?"  
  
"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? I'm more concerned about you." I put my book down. "So, how are you?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "I just wanted to say thank-you, and sorry about before."  
  
I looked up at him, half forgotten about what had happened. Then I remembered. "Oh, don't worry about that, and your welcome." I paused for a moment. "Had things like that been going on long. With your uncle." I motioned him to sit and he did so.  
  
He was perched on the edge of the sofa, looking as though nerves were playing a major issue. "He'd never hit me before. In fact things were getting better. I kinda threatened them. I told them about Sirius and how he was on the loose and he wanted to make sure I was happy." I raised an eyebrow. "I 'forgot' to mention that he was innocent and therefore he wouldn't do any thing."  
  
He took a deep breath and then carried on. "Last year after all that had happened. Things took a turn. I was having nightmare after nightmare and my uncle got annoyed being woken up by me screaming or.crying. But he never hit me. He was scared of what Sirius would do."  
  
"So would I." I mumbled.  
  
Harry gave me a small smile. "But this year it was different. You see, before my fourth year I got regular letters from Sirius, and my Uncle //knew// I was because of the different array of birds that came. But last summer because of the war, he hardly ever wrote, and when he did he used Rons owl. My Uncle knew that that was Ron's owl and thought it was Ron, who did write every second day. It got really annoying. But because of that he didn't know Sirius was writing. So this year."  
  
"He thought the threat had gone?"  
  
"In a nutshell. The second time I woke up screaming.he hit me. It came as such a shock. Him hitting me. He's done awful stuff before. He locked me in my cupboard.and my bedroom, spoilt my cousin right in front of my eyes."  
  
"A cupboard?"  
  
"Yeah, I used to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs." He waved his hand as though there was nothing unusual about beings made to sleep in a cupboard. He paused for a while when I took this information in. "Sir?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What will happened to me now sir?"  
  
I shifted in my seat and leaned forward. "I spoke to Dumbledore when you were asleep. He said that you are to stay here. Something about that Voldemort wouldn't think twice of looking here for you."  
  
"Ah." Harry pondered. "Make sense. Methinks that Old Voldie won't look in the house for The Boy Who Is A Pain In His Arse in the house of one of his Deatheaters." He paused. "No offence."  
  
"Non Taken." I took a breath. "If you ever see him again, which I pray that you won't. Please call him that."  
  
"What. Old Voldie?"  
  
I nodded, and tried to keep a straight face, but I failed miserably somewhat. "What?" he asked. "It's not that funny."  
  
"I'm sorry, but I lived with his threat since I was seventeen. Somehow it makes me feel better." I wiped my eyes. "Are you wanting anything to eat?"  
  
When I went to bed that night I lay awake for a long time mulling things over in my brain. Tossing and turning, I just couldn't get to sleep. Everything that had happened that day. Seeing Harry beaten like that looking so vulnerable and seeing him crying. Remembering what it was to feel Harry's lips on mine, the mere memory of it made me smile. I could still taste him.there was absolutely no hope in me ever getting to sleep. But still I tried, and just as I was about to finally nod off.  
  
.I heard a knock on the door. Sitting up. I muttered. "Yeah, what is it?" I saw Harry's head pop around the door.  
  
"Did I wake you sir?"  
  
I shook my head, feeling my heartbeat quicken just by the sight of him. It reminded me that I was in love with him, and I just wanted to touch him. He was just so beautiful standing there. His wonderful sleek black hair with blue highlights and how it only stuck up ever so slightly now. Those green eyes shinning bright. Even the bruise around his right one made a feature but I would never want to see it again. It was just the fact that it was on Harry that made it beautiful. Nothing else.  
  
"Couldn't sleep?" He asked me. Smiling crookedly I nodded. "Me neither. I slept too much in the day." He gave a wide yawn and shook his head. "What's keeping you up sir?"  
  
"Thinking too much. And you don't have to cal me 'sir' quite frankly, it's rather annoying."  
  
Harry looked quite amused. "Then what //do// I call you?"  
  
"What about by my given name."  
  
"What?" Harry laughed. "Severus?" I merely shrugged. So Harry carried on. "Ok, Severus." He tested. As it probably sounded as weird to him saying it as me hearing it from his lips. He sat next to me on my bed. "Severus." He said again. Giving me the shivers.  
  
Harry noticed this and stared at me for a long time assessing what I was thinking. Half of me wanted him to find out what I felt about him. The whole thing.positively terrified the other. His eyebrows furrowed. "Severus." he said again. Leaning forward. His nose was inches away from my own. "Severus."  
  
Then I felt his lips on mine again. Expecting him to draw away I did nothing but relax. But this time unlike the last he deepened it leaning closer into me, pushing me down onto the bed. My hand going straight to his hair pulling him closer to me. But he drew away. I was simply devastated by him leaving me. I felt naked and alone, and I knew that my eyes showed it.  
  
But Harry smiled and kissed me again. More deeply than before, I grabbed onto the back of his pyjama top and I was sure that my nails were imbedding in his flesh and I heard him gasp with pleasure. He lifted his mouth up slightly and began to unbutton my shirt and I merely fell back. "I love you." I muttered to him.  
  
"I know." I heard. "I see it every day. And I love you." And he carried on unbuttoning and then he took my shirt off. "I want you. I need you. I want to feel you inside me."  
  
Then I woke up warm and peaceful next to.no one. 


	7. Crawling

Disclaimer: I own nothing, understand yes?  
  
Chapter 7---- Crawling  
  
I looked back and forth trying to find him, even under the covers thinking maybe that he'd got lost. Even though I knew it was stupid even thinking it. I had dreamt it. Dreamt it all. Was Harry even here? He had to be. I wouldn't have dreamt of him getting hurt. I knew I wouldn't. Besides when I thought hard enough, I remember drifting off to sleep.  
  
But still.I felt awful and suddenly alone Harry not being right next to me. Feeling his soft skin next to me, feeling his sweet breath on my throat.I stopped myself. I was having dreams of having sex with a boy, half my age. Having sex with a fifteen-year-old boy. 'His almost sixteen' protested part of my brain pathetically. 'But yes, you're getting older too.' Said the stronger part. It didn't even matter that I was in love with him. He was just //too// young.  
  
Sirius would have my guts for garters if he were to find out anyhow. And I was simply terrified of Harry's Godfather- even though I know Black did it in protection for Harry. Somehow Black wanted to make up for the twelve years he had lost in Azkaban, and killing me would be and extra added bonus.  
  
Suddenly I heard the bell ring, and I got up. The bed was an awful mess and it smelled terrible, I had obviously been moving a lot in my sleep and god knows what else when I was dreaming.  
  
I snapped myself out of thinking too much about going down that road, and got dressed. When I arrived downstairs I went to the kitchen. Somebody had open the door and Black and Lupin were standing there.  
  
"How is he. I want to see him. Will he be ok?" Too many questions too quickly.  
  
"He's fine. I think he's asleep at the moment, so you can see him when he wakes up, and he's going to be fine."  
  
"Phew, I was really worried. What happened?" That was Black talking.  
  
"I just went to check up on him I was told to and I saw him all beaten like that. Quite disgusting if you ask me. His uncle beat him because he started screaming due to nightmares."  
  
"Is this a common occurrence?" Lupin asked eyebrows furrowed.  
  
"Potter said it's never happened before. When he found out about you." He looked at Black. "Things started to get better, as Dursley knew you were writing, apparently last summer you used Rons owl, am I correct?" Black nodded. "So Dursley didn't know you were writing. He thought the threat had gone, and he'd had enough of Potter screaming."  
  
Blacks hands went to his temples and he muttered into his hand, which lingered around his mouth. "Oh God. It's my fault. If I had used a different owl and wrote more often this wouldn't have happened. Oh God."  
  
"Please." I said to him. "No much I love to see you like this. It's no ones fault save that of the man who did it to him."  
  
I heard the door open. "It seems that we're having some kind of secret conspiracy here. Anything I should know about some one so I can tell the world?" Harry's face lit up at that thought.  
  
It was Harry and he was wearing clothes that looked ten sizes too big for him- if not more, and he looked a lot cheerier than yesterday. Luckily I was not one to blush or a certain dream that I remembered would have taken over.  
  
"Harry!" Black called causing my ear to hurt. "Oh Harry I was so worried. I'm so glad your safe."  
  
"Really I'm fine." Harry said, then he saw Lupin. "Hello Professor Lupin."  
  
"Harry, you alright?" Harry nodded.  
  
"Are they your clothes?" I asked. Harry nodded again. "Are they all like that?"  
  
"No, some of them, are green, red. I even have a blue jumper." Sirius found this deeply amusing.  
  
"I mean are they all too big for you?"  
  
Harry looked at his outfit. "Yeah, they're all Dudley's old stuff. Have you seen him, I mean- whoa."  
  
"Well." I said. "I think that makes our plan of action. We're going shopping."  
  
"Great," Sirius mumbled sarcastically. "My favourite pastime."  
  
After some discussion it was decided that Lupin should be the one who took him shopping. After all it didn't seem very intelligent for Harry Potter to be seen in the hands of a Supposed mad mass murderer or a death eater. Lupin who might be a werewolf was known now in the wizarding world to be, as far as werewolves go, an ok one. Besides every one knew that they knew each other.  
  
But this meant that I was left alone in a house with Sirius Black. This was going to be a hellish morning. Harry had jokingly said that we should spend this time bonding. Well. I hoped that he was joking.  
  
Time seemed to stall to a stand still. Just as I was thinking about ringing Black's neck, Lupin and Harry came back. Putting the stuff onto the table Lupin muttered. "I hate shopping. It's the bane of my existence."  
  
"Really?" Black asked. "I thought that would be the full moon."  
  
"That too."  
  
And so the time that I spent with Harry lengthened. I started to tutor him in potions and realised where Harry had been going wrong all of these years. He had failed to understand the basics when he was in his first year. This of course made every thing else that bit more difficult.  
  
Every morning we did this he seemed to be relatively happy. But I could see something in his eyes that made me want to shake it out of him. Force him into telling me what was wrong. But I knew that when he was ready he would tell me.  
  
That happened the day before his birthday. In the evening when we were eating.  
  
"I have to know." Was all he said.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"You can't keep it from me forever you know. One of these day you're going to have to tell me, and I want to know what it is."  
  
"What, what is?"  
  
"I want to know why he was after me"  
  
"Who?" even though I knew the answer.  
  
"Voldemort what does he want from me?"  
  
I was silent for a long while. "I can't tell you."  
  
"But you know." I nodded. "Then why can't you. Please tell me. It's tearing me apart not knowing. Don't you think I deserve to?" Again I nodded. "Please."  
  
I looked into his beautiful green eyes. "What if I did tell you. What would you do? Would it make you happy? Even if it was dark?"  
  
"I would be relived." He told me after a while.  
  
Swallowing I began to tell the tale. Something Dumbledore didn't even know. Even though I had no idea why I hadn't told him. "Your mother. She was having a tough time when she had just left school. Voldemort was fast gaining power and he wanted her to join him. Even though she was a muggleborn Voldemort didn't care, she was a very powerful witch. I don't know what made her do it. Like I don't know why I did it. But she joined him."  
  
I stopped and looked into Harry's eyes, wide with shock, but I carried on. "You've no doubt seen pictures of her. She was very beautiful and Voldemort, like every one else I might add, thought so too.  
  
"Over time. About six months Lily began to see her mistake. She tried to leave, go back to the good side. At this point she was still with James and Voldemort had not marked her because of this, her position was a valuable one. Voldemort would not let her leave his circle. Not very many people knew she was even in it. She remained masked at meetings and Voldemort called her 'my little flower.'  
  
"He had some obsession with her and when she wanted to leave he placed her under the imperious curse and took her." I looked into Harry eyes again. But they were focused on the table and I could see wet drops on the mahogany.  
  
"Voldemort raped my mother?" He asked slowly.  
  
"Yes." I said. "Do you want me to continue?" He nodded. So I took another deep breath. "After this she never again went to meeting, she refused to go. She never went for six months. Finally Voldemort went to her. She was pregnant. Voldemort knew it was his, even though Lily kept saying that it wasn't. He knew, he could feel it.  
  
"Then he found out that he did not raise his child, and it went with good, then it would have the power to overthrow him. On the other side. If it were to be dark, but not follow Voldemort, then it would overthrow him. So, Voldemort had a choice. Either turn the mother and take the child. Or eliminate it. Lily refused to turn you over."  
  
It was the subtlest way that I could think of, telling him. 'You're the son of Voldemort.'  
  
Harry was silent for a long time and he just looked at his hand as though they were betraying him. "Voldemort's my father?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"No one told me? I went on for years, thinking that I was the son of James when I'm not. Why has no one told me before?"  
  
"Because no body else knew but me. I was scared of what would happen to you if I told some one. If you would be shunned away you entire life. You already had so much to bear. Not even Dumbledore knows. Not even James Potter. Lily only told me. It was why I turned back."  
  
"How, I still don't understand how this works."  
  
"I still don't either."  
  
Harry nodded and was silent for a long while, crying. Half of me just wanted to hold him tell him that every thing was going to be all right, it was our little secret. But I was scared if I were to do that what would happen, push me away or take me in deeper then to run off and leave me broken again.  
  
But he was just so vulnerable sitting there, his teardrops falling onto the long table. His food left forgotten, still looking at his hands, in some obscure way. The scene almost made me cry myself. Remembering Lily's fear when she found out she was pregnant with Voldemorts child. Her determined face when she had to get out of what she was in.  
  
Then after what seemed a millennia he got up, nodded at me and walked away. And I just sat there watching him leave. 


End file.
